I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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