Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just threw up on my dentist
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize