Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
