my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
