remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
