I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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