my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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