It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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