There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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