bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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