She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
