Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize