If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
