That's when you crack a 10am beer
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
