You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
