You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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