Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
