He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
