You're a womanizer and a bitch.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
