You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
