i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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