You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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