someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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