so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
