i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
