dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
