So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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