Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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