my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
