Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
