Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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