the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
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I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
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I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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