My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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