All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
