sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
