May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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