The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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