Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
