the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
