So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
