Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
