I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
