doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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