I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have started to decorate penises.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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