god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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