he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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