So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
