I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
