after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
