I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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