wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
