Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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