i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
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I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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