I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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