I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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