I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
