Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
