return my video game
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
