he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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