guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
