With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
