I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we made out on top of his cat.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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