i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
