I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
