This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
