Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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