Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
