I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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