My boss' voice literally gives me gas
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
