I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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