Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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